I’m a big believer of being open and honest about yourself, not having to hide and be someone you not. If you’ve not read my past few posts, the always tie into my belief that we as humans shouldn’t follow the herd. Whatever you have going on, ride it like a wave! Rock what you have and forget what you haven’t got! I always hear that “if only I were 2″ taller” or “if only my boobs where bigger” everyone had these little insecurities (don’t lie, we all do!) But, why so we seek to be someone else? “Oh, I’d die for her bum” or “omg her cheek bones” I hear it all too often, us trying to change who we are. Now, enhancing a look to make us feel more secure, with make up etc I get it, we are all seeking to wear our confident happy mask the ‘I’m ok’ mask. Now, I’m not saying changing your body, look or whole persona is bad, if that works for you then go for it! I’m all for ‘different strokes for different folk’ or another popular one ‘Each to their own’.

I just think that if we were all the same, like a human factory line creating people it would be dull! We have minds that think, feel and see differently, some see colours as feelings or emotions. We are all created equal but are all so so different, no two of us are the same even identical twins! All special, all unique; we just need to find our uniqueness and rock the fuck out of it!

Peace out!

Till next time!

Blessed be xxx

So, this week I’ve put on at fatclub, to be expected but still non the less it feels like a failure.

Yes, I’ve had two weeks off and many will say “that’s what happens when you are off plan” which in turn is true. But what people don’t factor into weight loss is mental health, how are you are emotionally impacts your weight loss massively. The net of which you dealt before with food isn’t there anymore. Some people isolate themselves when they feel stressed, emotional and down. It’s what we learn to do, hide away as we don’t feel like blurting out what is actually wrong in case we sound like we are moaning or being selfish.

Mental health is really important, everyone has highs and lows. But what happens when the lows stretch into weeks, months and beyond?

Ok, so I’ve had some weeks where I’ve felt like giving in and just not even seeing a light at the end of that tunnel of darkness. But recently I’ve tried seeing one positive out of each day! Which is my ‘365 of happiness’ it helps slightly to take each day in and to just elaborate on what you can be thankful for.

Ok, so a few things to help improve your mental health.

*Take a walk aim for 30-60 mins the longer the walk the more your body relaxes.

*Take up a hobby, distraction is a brilliant way to keep your brain active.

*Express how your feeling by writing: poetry, diary or lyrics.

*Meet up with friends for a coffee and chat. Offloading will help loads.

*Consider a pet, someone to stroke and sit with you can really help anxiety and mental health.

*Think about what makes you happy and make one day a week yours! Whether it be a bath or a movie.

Ok, no way am I an expert but I do hope these can help someone out there.

Until next time!

Love & Light xxx

So my jeans are a little tight this week, not to say I’ve lost the track but let’s say it has and is a little blurry at present.

Ive always been a comfort eater, hence the reason I got to a size 20! I’ve been doing so well over the years, got myself down to a size 14 after having the kids and becoming one with my body again. Now we all fall of the wagon time to time, whether we like to admit it or not. It’s just different triggers for us that start the tiny ripple…

Ok, so 3 McDonald, 1 cake and a lot of chocolate later I’ve had the time to gorge and think and enjoy and want the control back.

Losing my Nana was one of the weirdest most surreal things of my life, it still doesn’t actually feel real, even attending her funeral I couldn’t cry (well apart from the last bloody song) I’m not sure if I cannot grieve or I’ve just subjected myself to the humanity switch off! However, spending time with family was very special to me and I enjoyed every moment, especially my sister who I miss a lot of these days. Living so far away sucks and I don’t get to enjoy spending time and talking to my sister like I want to. Also all the stress of kids and adulting erodes me down and most days I’m a exposed emotional fuze who can’t spark!

Sometimes I feel on the outside just looking in, surreal and not real, like I don’t exist. Then another I feel like my eldests punching bag and everything I ask him I get abuse and cheek. Ooooo for a 8 year old he pushes my buttons! But I try breathe and carry on! There is so much to look forward to but it is unreachable at present and I’m drowning slowly, only just a float.

Also this week since coming back I’ve had to endure clingy Velcro baby! She won’t sleep in her bed, won’t go to daddy or let me bathe without screaming her lungs out resulting in her puking all over! I’m currently writing with her in my arms as she wants me attached to her. Also next doors chavvy kid has music on which is annoying the fuck out of me!

Anyhoo, fatclub tomorrow I’m in for a gain woo!

Goodnight all!

“For life is precious, don’t waste it”

The strength inside…

Whenever we look at ourselfs, what do we see?

Us as humans are guided to be this perfect picture, doing the right thing. This pretty little perfect thing sat on a shelf. In reality this control on us ends up being in some “our rebellious stage” mostly as teen, if we get past this without rebelling we suffer the effects of our mental health. A ripple in water over time becomes a bigger and bigger. We aren’t wired to be these perfect creaters society wants us to be. Now I’m not saying be a total jack ass, but don’t be afraid to have your opinion, stick up for what is right and have some balls!

Discovering yourself sometimes leads us down a dark path, but sometimes we need to wonder off the path to discover how to get back to us, which in turn shapes us into the strong people we are. Without a certain thing happening are we truly being shaped as a person?

Sometimes in life we need to be broken until we fall until we can climb and appreciate how high we were before. I think the one thing to remember is we cannot me there for everyone, sometimes being selfish is the best thing, looking after yourself is what we need. Do not drain yourself and put yourself second. I’m not saying don’t be there for friends, but remember you cannot help someone who does not want to be helped!

I love the fact that certain times I’m not connected to society like a battery powering a device. Sometimes cutting yourself off from everything and just listening to yourself and everything around you re-connecting yourself back can help.

Just keep yourself centered and don’t believe everything your head or hear, be you, love yourself and connect back to what is natural!

Until my next post…

Blessed be! Happy Imbolc! Xxx

With Valentines looming around the corner this topic has been on my mind. Love, it’s weird, us as human seek companionship and compatibility from another which in turn evolves into love. Looking at my own relationship I find it strange and fascinating that we both are so very different in many ways, we don’t always agree and we are so opposite he could be rain and I’m sun. However, saying that, both need to work with each other for everything else to grow. Maybe that is the perfect relationship? Or maybe loving the exact same thing, both needing comfort together is the better relationship? The thing I’ve seen a lot of though most of the population are blinded and shallow with regards to the way people look. I myself hold my hands up to this, once upon a time I set my barrier too high and it didn’t work, the guys I liked didn’t like me back. Ok, I was a geek with glasses and no guy ever looked in my direction. Another question I’ve come across, why does it take some people many attempts at love to find the right companion whereas others are paired at school and are high school sweethearts? Are we born with receptors that can detect a good compatible mate? Funny really, animals apart from a few don’t pair for life, they don’t search for a mate they see the opposite sex and well mate. That’s their bit done of procreating. The subject overall I could delve in deeper, with other questions Does sex connect us? (Does it truly effect a relationship is this suffers?) Can you truly just love one person? (I’ve found a lot of people having open or polygamy relationship). Yes, I have a lot of questions on this subject. Anyhoo…

Moving back onto the subject matter, the thing I’ve found is that over the time I’ve been with my partner the one thing is current, he pisses me off something chronic, he annoys me, he makes me laugh, he puts up with my obsession with Deadpool but I know he’s the one because soon as I leave I miss him. We’ve been together 14 years, and 4 kids later, if he didn’t love me he would have gone like a puff of smoke. My partner being Autistic I must infuriate him daily with how much I like to hug, touch and kiss.

Before going into my life story (Which I will spare you from) I find people searching high and low for love, it is the one thing that can make you both high as a kite or low as being 6 feet under. There are songs, pictures and stories portraying and representing love. No matter who you are, what difficulties you face overall we all want love.



Blindfolded by society…

I’d like to say I was unique, but are any of us truly unique? Society has a way of shaping, changing and moulding us into what we know as us, free thinking? Is that such a thing? We are told how we should, act, speak and dress. Maybe somewhere there is such a uniqueness away from what society advises us to portray.

We are expected to stay in education from the age of 4 till 18 (for this we don’t have a choice) then to go to University (To achieve our goals and aspirations of a well-paid career) or the get a job (If you can) or vocational training/ apprenticeship. So, this goes two ways, you achieve your dream career and you are earning a decent wage, but you are basically a slave to your job. There aren’t many well-paid jobs where you can enjoy life and no be working 24/7. Or you struggle and struggle even though you have a degree to gain employment because of cuts or it is so competitive to get into employment no matter your qualifications. Whatever way you look at it, we are the slaves to a society a tiny blip on a timeline. Born, educated, work and die and a few decent things in-between.  1 in 6 people experience mental health each week (such as Anxiety or depression) (Source: Mind.org)

We’ve forgotten what it is to be human and enjoy each other, take a long walk, breath in the air. We are all pre-programmed robots, our buttons pushed. How do we know anything we choose or do isn’t already decided from something we’ve seen or heard previously. Are some of us more aware of our surroundings than others? Is there such a thing as tuning out of the subliminal messages we are faced with each day? I try my best to keep myself unique, but it a society where everyone is claiming to be unique, fresh and new how can we even claim we are? Is it all an illusion? I could delve deeper but many would claim I was not of sound mind and a little crazy. Obviously, if anyone wishes to discuss it I wouldn’t avoid my opinion on the matter, I strongly believe we should share what we believe and not be ashamed of what makes us the person we are (Whether that be a pre-programmed robot that’s enslaved by society or not) We are all searching for the same outcome, to be liked and appreciated.  We have one life, we want it to matter. There has got to be more than meets the eye.

Until next time, I’ll let you process and take in my thoughts.

Blessed be xxx525704_525231527505080_567625077_n

Me, myself and her…

Ok, so recently I’ve become a new me; well sort of. It is hard with 4 children especially with the two with Autism and one going through the referral process. I don’t get to truly be me, I once asked myself the question “When did you last feel like you? No as a mum, or partner or even as a student” which made me think. Do we actually know ourselves? We are constantly trying to live up to someone’s standards or trying to better ourselves for someone else, or even because we feel that being us isn’t enough.

A lot of things have been going through my head, things have changed recently for me I have found an output for my depression and for my anxiety and which has boosted my confidence. I am not a 100% confidence but I am getting there and beginning to let more people in, I want to make more friends, I have always put a shield up and isolated myself because of trust issues. I haven’t always been a suspicious person, I once let people in and it didn’t end well. I think using the positive as a springboard I am slowly learning to let go of the past and move forward and to accept myself as me and hope others do. I am sometimes clumsy and say the wrong things, (Especially when I am drunk). Just know when you get to know me I am a girl worth getting to know. I am not your average girl, I’m a geek girl 😀 Until I type again…

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