Me, myself and her…

Ok, so recently I’ve become a new me; well sort of. It is hard with 4 children especially with the two with Autism and one going through the referral process. I don’t get to truly be me, I once asked myself the question “When did you last feel like you? No as a mum, or partner or even as a student” which made me think. Do we actually know ourselves? We are constantly trying to live up to someone’s standards or trying to better ourselves for someone else, or even because we feel that being us isn’t enough.

A lot of things have been going through my head, things have changed recently for me I have found an output for my depression and for my anxiety and which has boosted my confidence. I am not a 100% confidence but I am getting there and beginning to let more people in, I want to make more friends, I have always put a shield up and isolated myself because of trust issues. I haven’t always been a suspicious person, I once let people in and it didn’t end well. I think using the positive as a springboard I am slowly learning to let go of the past and move forward and to accept myself as me and hope others do. I am sometimes clumsy and say the wrong things, (Especially when I am drunk). Just know when you get to know me I am a girl worth getting to know. I am not your average girl, I’m a geek girl 😀 Until I type again…

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It has been a while since I’ve written, guess life just gets in the way. When I do have the energy I’m mostly catching up on washing or cleaning.

So what has spurred me on to write? I think it is a build up of many things. Most recently losing my beloved Tweek (cat) of 13 years. He was my furry friend who would always give me cuddles when things got to me. I didn’t have to explain myself to him or think about looking an idiot. I was just me. What got me the most was that his last moments on earth were in his stupid carrier (we were on the way to the vet) I cannot even bare to look at the carrier now. I got to the vet and thought he had just fallen asleep, like he usually does but he must have slipped to sleep and died. I wish I could have pin pointed and got him out and cuddled him. I wasn’t fully aware until we got to our appointment, where she went to try put a cannula in him and came back and told me he had gone. I think secretly she knew and just wanted to check. Funny enough when I took him out I initially thought he may be. I will never get that image out my head and the thought I’d been carry a dead Tweek around. What followed after is a bit of a blurr for the 3 buses home. I just stuck my headphones in and didn’t want to talk to anyone. I got home and boom it hit me ten times like a tidal wave. I’ve cried like a baby non stop. I went to bed early and got up the next day, I actually forgot and kept thinking where has Tweek gone ? Then the wave hit me, he’s gone. It’s been like that since I got in. I know time will heal and I will get used to it. However, right now I will have to keep plodding onwards.

Well I was awoke several times in the night thanks to Ariel who likes to keep me on my feet. I awoke to my 3 year old asking me for juice. Somehow I gave it to my partner (he said he’d fill it) and then I must have still been asleep as I started banging on about straws and that it isn’t attached and that we need new ones. Now I’ve always doubted my sanity but straws! 😂

I swear these sleep problems (insomnia) are doing things to my brain. Anyhoo back to my morning. I awake (properly) and we start moving stuff around to make things better since everything is a mess.

I’m then met with my 3 year old being sick all over the sofa and doubled over with tummy pain, I rush him to the bathroom met by more sick and then him getting tummy pains. I take out the magic mummy medicine give it to him, I pull him near and he rests on my lap and falls to sleep he awakes and I ask “does it still hurt?” He nods then I ask “do you feel better?” I am greeted by another nod. 10 minutes pass then he’s running around with his siblings like nothing ever happened. Wtf!

How do they do that? Seriously, I’ve been sick on, sweated on, breast milk leaked on me, I’ve had no breakfast and not moved as I now have to deal with the unsettled 7m old who wants to boob,boob and boob again. I need wine and sleep!

So, how was your Saturday morning? Pleasant and loving, well fuck you! 😂

The family bubble…

Walking today with four kids in toe, sun shining and thoughts running through my head. I quite like our life away from everything. Ok, maybe not everything but we stent forced to socialise with such things like, school runs and awkward school meetings on how your child has done and isn’t achieving this or struggling with that. Since Home educating I’ve felt quite free to explore with the children on out learning journey. Using resources from my placement and online, but being creative with them. In a way I don’t want Dexter to go into “Normal education” half of me feels like I’ve set him up to fail. It is a huge decision on both sides of the parental wall. I quite like our little family bubble, we laugh. We cry but we work through it together.

Ask Boogle…

It came to my attention that we as parents get asked a lot of things by our children; we are their Google, well until they get onto the world wide web that is. We pass on our knowledge to our children, whether this be bad or good. I try to pass on everything I have to my children with regards to them living and becoming their own person. I don’t like the fact that at every turn we are influenced by society and everyone else. I try follow my own rhythm and my own best but sometimes we are sucked in. I think that is why home education has really given me more meaning as a parent and responsibility, people ask me how I do it. I don’t know, I just do it, I juggle, I feel stressed and I don’t poop in peace. But that’s my life, how can you miss something you never really remember. I don’t remember the last time I actually has silence, or food on my own or a date. Or even held hands with my partner. Some will say “omg, you need some alone time!” But how do you get that with two ASD children a baby and a toddler…yeah unlikely!

Like I say, the sun goes down the sun comes up! Take each day as it comes 😀

Planned learning?!

Ok, so today was the first time since we decided to home educate that I left Dad in charge. Anyhoo, I set up a task with the three bear family counters. Dad read a story and they had to put the correct colour bear onto their own tally, and at the end of the story they counted which colour bear won. They absolutely loved it! It catered for all 3 of them at all there ages which where 6,4 & 2. So win win! They even did their little phonics cards without any problems.

I actually love coming up with little learning tasks that combine fun & learning. Can’t wait to watch them blossom and suck in the learning.

I’ve always thought with education you didn’t get a choice in what or how your learned. It was simple, you where told to do it this way and get on with it.

Beginning home education I’ve learned that giving the child the decision back not only encourages them to want to learn but helps it stick. Something as simple as letting them have the choice of what they want to write about or using visual such as marbles to aid maths can get them involved in the learning. Tailoring their learning to them, adapting it making them their own teachers! We are simply their teaching assistants, we offer guidance, support and help if needed.

My son has autism, and yes in some cases giving option can prove a problem. But the way in which I give my son the option it’s guided by him. Also I making it very visual.

I think it is important to let the child guide their own learning and get feel they are in charge and offering praise for that when it works but offering support and help when it doesn’t.

I also feel it brings a greater bond towards us as a family. Which is a bonus to understanding his autism and my son in general.

So, would you let your children take the control back with their education, letting them be their own teachers?

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